Sunday, January 14, 2007
Bike Light Lens Terminated
As fellow destroyer Mr Joel "Dirkmog Derethin Nallyr Datashade Hinterlands DreamWithin" Stevenson will confirm, Cateye bike lights really are the pits. After some serious industrial espionage and a daring raid on Cateye's HQ, I liberated the production plan for these bags of shit and hereby present it below.
1. New shipment of bike lights received from factory voted Worst Sweatshop in Indo-China, 1987-2006.
2. All bike lights found to pass basic functionality testing returned to China.
3. QA Phase 1: battery holders yanked and rattled until they become loose and cannot reliably hold a battery in place for more than 30 seconds while attached to a moving bike.
4. QA Phase 2: battery holders yanked and rattled until they become loose and cannot reliably hold a battery in place for more than 30 seconds while stationary.
5. Cost Saving Phase 1: mounting bracket reduced in size, a side benefit being that they do not mount securely on any bike manufactured after 1902.
6. Cost Saving Phase 2: lens design re-engineered to ensure awkward re-assembly after battery insertion.
7. Cost Saving Phase 3: clamshell screw mount re-engineered to ensure shearing off under least possible screw torque.
8. Cost Saving Phase 4: retainer bracket on slide mount removed, ensuring the light slips out during bike operation.
9. Realise that QA and Cost Saving cost money: double SRP.
10. Any "nonfunctional" units (or cheekily so marked) received from stockists immediately sent to same stockist.
I couldn't get the red lens back on the light body after replacing the battery, so i smashed it. It looks cooler now and works better, so.