when diplomacy fails

the gate to to the area under our back deck basically has one mission in life - to trap innocent people, who are doing the Right Thing by disposing of garbage and recycling correctly, into being ruthlessly tortured by wheelie bins and the other mutated denizens of this toxic wasteland.

the gate has a two-pronged attack - first, it automatically closes at a frightening rate, with enough satanic force behind it that it won't stay open even when wedged by a black hole. second, it makes an awful dread howl as it closes, which is the sign to Make a Break for It Fast. i have so far resisted lubing its hinges (with battery acid) because otherwise its attack would be silent and therefore infinitely more effective.

the picture shows the aftermath of one traumatic occasion where it almost caught me. after a brief struggle i lashed out and caught its midriff - it opened just enough to let me squeeze through, and although the injury clearly meant nothing to it, i did imagine that just for a second it looked a little hurt and chastised.